One rainy night recently I lost my keys. I dropped them as I ran for a bus in Brixton and didn’t notice until, almost on the doorstep, I felt for them in my pocket and they were gone. I was very upset. My keyring has among its many links a piece of bike chain, coins …
For about a year now I’ve had an unpleasant rash on my forehead. I have a back that packs up from time to time and a shoulder that periodically keeps me awake at night. My right ankle is a bit shonky from getting kicked playing football against Stockwell YMCA and then falling downstairs onstage during …
People say that, when they are lost, men are reluctant to ask directions. The reason people say this is because it is true. But we are never shy in offering them. I, for example, was in a museum recently and was asked, by an elderly couple, where they might find a particular painting. I immediately …
It’s always strange on a Friday to be surrounded by famous names. In our house, everyone has a name that is peculiarly and particularly not famous. My eldest, Miriam, is Huncs. Huncs is a contraction of Hunca Munca, who is one of the Bad Mice in Beatrix Potter’s ‘Tale of Two Bad Mice’, and Miriam …
I gave a lecture on Tuesday. “So what”, I hear you cry. Well, it is my job; but this one was actually fun, because I got to talk for an hour about my favourite artist, the dazzling star of the Florentine Renaissance, the one, the only Donatello. Thing is, it was a terrible lecture. It …
Around Christmas, time is strange. We go to bed late. We get up early because, despite the absence of work, there is still way too much work to do. Even the days of the week cease to have meaning. Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday give way to Christmas Eve, Christmas Day and Boxing Day, as time …
Last year at my house, my partner Susie was away at the exact moment in December when we normally get the tree. Now there are those who would regard this as a golden opportunity to take back control of Christmas - choose, install and decorate the tree in a quasi-military operation; no discussion, no arguments, …
I am feeling young today. But it is not because I have a youthful spring in my step. Nor am I dazzled by the heady possibilities of a world yet unexplored, the rich potential of a life yet to be lived. No. I am feeling young like a naughty schoolboy: it’s the end of term …
I love coming here. I don’t say it often enough, but thank you for having me. The atmosphere is warm and welcoming, the conversation sparkling and the new coffee machine more than adequate. Even so, this is, to say the least, a mildly intimidating environment on a Friday morning. Over there is that bloke out …
There used to be mice in our house. Sitting at the kitchen table late in the evening I would occasionally see them scurrying across the floor and then disappearing through impossibly small gaps in the skirting. Once, they went into my bag and ate some chocolate. But mostly they kept themselves to themselves and stayed …