When I was young I used to run cross-country. I was part of a great team. We won races. We took home trophies. I was not, however, a great runner. I was the makeweight in a team full of talent.
My brother Bill, on the other hand, was a proper sportsman. He played cricket and rugby and hockey and he was really good at them, like our Dad had been.
On Saturdays, Dad liked to watch Bill bat, or play scrum half; and every once in a while he’d come with me to a race. For him, I suspected, this was not an agreeable task.
One week, as we drove home from some muddy wood or other he said to me, ‘You know, Jim, I love to see you run’. And he paused. And I guessed there was going to be a ‘but’. And there was. ‘I love to see you run – but the thing is, I don’t see much running. You go off into the woods. Half an hour later you come back. It’s just not that much fun’. And I smiled. Because what I heard was that Dad loved to see me run.
Last week I spent a day with a brilliant bunch of RE teachers in Cornwall. We talked about worldviews and cultural difference and shared attitudes to ethical questions – like whether it’s ever ok to lie. To my surprise the consensus was that yes, sometimes it is – because sometimes the unvarnished truth, frankly, is just not kind.
Before he died, Jesus taught his friends about what was going to happen to him. But in the Bible it’s interesting to see what he focused on. It wasn’t the horror of being crucified, but peace: ‘Peace I leave you; my peace I give to you. Do not let your hearts be troubled’.
Now that sounds very much like Jesus was being economical with the verité. But he wasn’t. He told the truth but it was a kind truth that his friends could bear.
My Dad was truthful about the joys of watching cross-country. But the little kindness about loving to see me run made the truth ever so much easier to hear. So it’s not really that lying is ok, but I reckon the RE teachers are right: in a fight between brutal honesty and kindness, kindness should always win.
My Dad died ealier this year, on February 11th 2020. With him, there was always honesty and kindness.